“Saturday Night Live” imagined a Republican Party scrambling for a winning message ahead of the midterm elections and finding little help from some of its biggest names.
The show’s cold open featured Republican strategists trying to record campaign ads as the party’s prospects were described as “looking bleak,” cycling through Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Sen. Mitch McConnell, Vice President JD Vance and Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth before President Donald Trump stepped in.
Marcello Hernández’s Rubio initially delivered his appeal in Spanish, only to abandon the pitch and admit that he, too, had been duped.
“Oh my God! He tricked us!” Rubio exclaimed, before rattling off Trump’s conflicts with Venezuela, Iran and Canada.
McConnell, played by Mikey Day, was wheeled onto the set and struggled to deliver his lines, while Jeremy Culhane’s Vance was quickly dismissed after introducing himself.
“We can just AI this,” one of the strategists concluded.
Colin Jost’s Hegseth then barged into the shoot and urged Republicans to “do the gayest thing ever and vote,” while parodying the defense secretary’s recent emphasis on religion and culture-war issues at the Pentagon.
“I’m putting God back in war and it’s working,” Jost said. “Our soldiers are praying a lot more than they used to.”
But James Austin Johnson’s Trump eventually decided he had the solution to Republicans’ problems.
“If the Republicans win, I’ll give everyone $5,000,” Johnson said. “And that is not a bribe because I have no intention of following through on that promise.”
Trump has repeatedly promised a $5,000 “Trump Dividend” for every adult U.S. citizen if Republicans retain control of Congress in November. The proposal, which would require congressional approval, could cost more than $1 trillion.
Start your day with essential news from Salon.Sign up for our free morning newsletter, Crash Course.
The sketch ended with Republican strategists asking Trump to prerecord a message celebrating a GOP victory.
“We did it! We won! Nobody has ever won so much before!” Johnson declared.
Then they asked him to record another message in case Republicans lost: “We did it! We won!”
Read more
about this topic